having three …

i have been so excited to finally find some time to get back on this blog & to try and document some of what’s been going on in my world since,,,well, february. BUT ! i was not too motivated through my pregnancy to write much,,, and i spent a lot of time contemplating my parenting and raising of people, anticipating a new baby, and trying to just get through the tail end of pregnancy. i listened to lectures about parenting & to just ONE regina spektor song (samson) over & over before we welcomed out third baby into the world.  i need to start writing about our life now, now. so instead of putting a ton of pressure on myself, i just started picking pictures out from the past couple months and plan to write schmite about it all below. and i HOPE to keep on it, & please excuse my new mom brain again again.

We wrapped up may by splashing in the water & spending AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE outside after what literally WAS the worst winter in our world. it was just will, elle & me most days and looking back, it was a nice time to have albeit feeling miserable as i was nine months pregnant,,, and with my third. way way weirder than the first or second pregnancy for me…

one thing, in particular, helped me “get through” that tail end of pregnancy : watching one of my best friends ever, have her first baby. maxim michael was born on may 13th & watching stephanie & mike welcome their little bundle into the world really took my mind off my own wait. he is a darling baby & it is so fun to be “in” this baby season with my tight friend. we constantly compare her son to mine, even though i have a baby so close in age to maxim, i find that little maxim seems to be much more like my boy than either of my girls,,,or maybe it’s just natural stereotyping, but it is what it is. this is what he looked like back in mid may…


later that week, my boy finished his very first year of pre-school up. there were lots of nighttime tears for me during this week. not only was i wishing and terrified that i was starting labor, but i was facing the end of something that so concretely showed me that they do grow up. and fast. here is a picture of will on his very first day of pre school.IMG_2529 and here he is on his last. not only was it hard to believe that all that time had passed and that we (mutually) learned the confidence we would unveil through this first year of school. i feel that william was introduced to the school environment just perfectly for him, and for me. his teachers were the best people ever & it was such a wonderful experience that i was devastated to learn that the school’s budget cuts nixed his teacher & as it was all so sudden, i felt a huge sense of loss,,, more than just because his FIRST year was over, but because it felt over SO much more abruptly than just end-of-the-year party ending. we will miss mrs. mcdonald very very very very very very verrrry much.IMG_2530 i totally expected that i would have this baby a week early. after talking with my doctor (she who delivered both will & elle) i was eager for the 23rd to come. it would be one week early, a 23 like will (& matt), a friday like elle, and i was SURE i was in labor for days before the 23rd anyway. when i had seen my doctor before this date, she gave me the option to be induced anytime within my 39th week. it was a challenging thing to handle..one one hand i could have my baby like “now” and feel better,,,and on the other hand, what was one week and i was sure i was going to have my baby way before her due date (may 30th) anyway… IMG_2607

i took this picture from stephanie’s entryway to visit maxim on his 6th day of life. i thought i looked cool even though it just took me 18 minutes to figure out how to pay for my electronically metered parking spot.
IMG_2631 we got through that entire week without me going into labor & i even got to celebrate with some of will’s friends from school at a nearby park. we went on a walk after the fun & i left in a hurry cause i was in labor !!! IMG_2709 but — i wasn’t !!! in fact, later that day my mom came over to watch my kiddos so matt & i could go on one last date, because i was surly having my baby the NEXT day,,, so he & i went out in royal oak to some old stomping grounds & i continued to be SO funny (or at least i thought so)…IMG_2713that night my hips went out over & over and i was POSITIVE i was in labor. this thing happened at 1am and i thought to myself “ok, well that feeling just felt like labor start. so i will have my baby in the next 6 hours.” then i went to sleep…the next day happened & after dinner at a mexican restaurant i joined my friend amy at yet another paining without the darn twist! on my way i was sure i was crowning and if i wasn’t ,,, i was sure i was super funny.
IMG_2741 to make matter worse, they were painting a golf scene that i wasn’t into so i painted ANOTHER jaime original. i call this one ‘push the baby out now’.IMG_2745 we spent every evening with our neighbors because i was in labor every day for the past 6 days so it was likely that i could ONLY possibly be in labor for one more day… the kids were so lucky to get all that time together & matt and i were so lucky to have all that support. thank youuuuuuu…..IMG_2816 screw it. i wasn’t in labor. sure– i’ll go to friendship park as long as its not as chaotic as that creepy park in florida where your kids are instantly LOST the second you get to the playground.IMG_2836 thank god this one likes to swing.IMG_2837 and while i plan to write out the birth story and how it all came to be,,,here is humorous picture of me that i was hoping would just look “nice” ,,, but the toilet paper in the background really takes away from how pleasantly 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant i was. IMG_2870 matt & i were eager to meet our new baby but we also knew it would be harder after the baby was born, so we just kept the conversations light and joked around a lot as we faced going to the hospital.IMG_2889 from the hospital, i was thrilled yet fearful of what having our third baby would do to our family. i was wondering how the kids would handle it, as well as me nursing or pumping, and the fact that the attention would be spread just that much thinner. most my concerns revolved around elle. typical. we facetimed and i cried — probably mostly post partum tears because not one ounce of me feels torn up over those days as i reflect on them now. this new baby has made our world a zillion times better & i look forward to writing more about that too.IMG_2930 me & little d just a few hours after we met !IMG_2931 my mom came up as soon as matt got back home to take over our other shark bites and she thought that delila looked like me as a newborn. i was on a “i just had a baby” high HIGH and felt amazing that whole day. while each of my kids birthdays are crazy special to me, they are all for different reasons and this was was the reason: MOST FUN. i amazed myself & am still SO proud of how this baby came to be & i am also proud of the sweet little person she is already.

my mom literally stepped into our world in every NEEDED way possible. she watched the older kids while i had delila, she cleaned my entire house, did ALL my laundry, put it away, filled my kitchen with meals & salads, filled my pantry & refrigerator, made freezer meals, showed up spontaneously days after D was born with caffeine-free teas & starbucks sandwiches (my favorite!!), played with the kids so i could care for delila, everything!!,, she did everything. i barely thanked her to her face but i thanked her to GOD every day during that vulnerable time!


the kids coming up…

this was really a big deal to me,,, after having my second back in 2012, i was eager to film williams arrival to the hospital so i could look back at those first few moments i know he will never remember. right when matt had texted me that he & will were on their way to meet elle, i got everything ready. just as i hit record on my rigged placement for my camera to capture his reaction to her, my doctor came in and it was just seconds before will & matt! the whole thing was a flop — &&& !!! THIS TIME, the newborn photographer came in just seconds before matt, will & elle came to meet delila,, scrambling, i rushed her OUT and got a cute little video that i didn’t post here but here are a few very sporadic photos that i took & i ADORE them!lowres0002

they couldn’t WAIT to get their paws on her !!! it was so adorable & i felt SO vulnerable.lowres0005

even though matt looks like he’s in a trance here, i love this one.


oh william,,,of course !lowres0003

little delila has been the sweeeeeetest addition to our family yet ! she is so calm & even when she does get hungry or tired, it’s just moderate “complaining” as we call it. she is such a joy it is making me a crazy person who feels like she could have 10 kids if they were all like her !! lowres0007-2

william is more HANDS ON than elle, but elle is constantly copying whatever delila’s doing. its been charming to watch each of them with her. william is naturally my little helper & he is also himself; always trying to keep the peace & make sure everyone is comfortable and happy. elle would sit on the couch for an hour to hold delila during a couple tv shows and it was simply precious. there was one night where elle was half laying next to d, and she was kind of petting her as they rested. elle was getting tired and as she’d fall asleep she stun herself back awake into “babysitter mode” and pet delila a few times more as to wake herself back up. i couldn’t leave them to grab a camera but that moment was one of the sweetest and surest moments for me. it made me feel SO complete with delila’s arrival.lowres0004-2

below is where will probably gave delila her first virus,,,awwwww ! within 1 week of her being home, we caught some awful cold which surfaced as croup for will & elle. thankfully delila was more resilient to the virus from breastfeeding(assumed by my doctors). still, a sick newborn was horrifying and ruined over a week of our lives. i don’t handle sick children well (emotional disaster demon hawk mother style), and it was just a mess over here. lowres0003-2

elle dont care.lowres0005-2

I’m continually amazed at seeing this loving side of elle. she cuddles right up to delila no matter where she is. if I’m nursing in bed, elle snuggles around delila like a twin and she smirks with her mouth shut,,,its the cutest happy place I’ve never seen elle before. lowres0007

she also loves to poke her ears & eyes. awesome.lowres0008

and when she isn’t eating wax or tying ribbons around her neck,,,lowres0008-2

once she came home from her 2 week travel through italy, D (not the baby) came directly over. hola! she brought little d some beautiful head ornaments & snuggled her RIGHT UP!IMG_3027

delila jet lagged.IMG_3036

my first self-picture of the 4 of us.

it has been thrilling & relieving to see how well the other two have adjusted to delila’s homecoming. i uploaded these pictures a bit out of order & i probably don’t have enough time to put them in proper order right now — this post has taken me a week two weeks to come up with already ! anyway– more photos!!! :IMG_3244

looking back, i am not sure why i went to the grocery store, but once i was actually left alone with the three kids, i decided to was a good idea. william pushed the mini cart & elle chased him. i laughed at how ridiculous it all was and we got through a hundred dollar shopping spree at trader joes. not bad!! 
elle does whatever delila does… if she’s laying on the ground, elle lays beside her. and takes her pacifier. IMG_3263

delila is teensy weensy.IMG_3276

matt holds her here & there but i am very territorial over little D. we are both crazy about her,, but i am like really crazy about her and hold her as much as i can!

at 12 days old, my good friend Anne photographed me & the kids. her photos melt me & I’m thrilled that i was able to have her come photograph us. i totally recommend her!! below is one she snapped with my phone so i could have a pic from that day!!IMG_3366

drowsy D was awake for that single photo day, and for her first doctors appointment but she really didn’t “wake up” until july. she established the nickname “drowsy D” and is still very attuned to her label.


steal my heart.IMG_3528

little D has been racking up the LB & is already really snug in the newborn diapers. i am obsessed with her chunky thighs & butt.



on williams 4th birthday we got up & went out for donuts after having some fruit at home. this is what having three looks like outside the donut shop. the hardest part was getting in & out of that tiny donut shop entryway with the stroller.IMG_3631

that morning we played outside and aunt D came by with a balloon for the kids to fight over & surprise gifts for william !!!!IMG_3641

that evening my mom & stephanie came by for a mini party to celebrate will turning 4 ! he decorated his own cake.IMG_3668

delila tried on her super hero outfit !IMG_3675

maxim, delila & elle relaxed as a trio while will opened gifts..IMG_3679

william has been wonderful as usual. he is extremely strong now and is so helpful with everything & he “can do it all by himself” which is so nice. i fear the day he won’t hold my hand but he is the type who will always make sure my heart is full. he is the most empathetic person & i am just so grateful for him. [side story:the other day he was not wanting to share a toy with elle and he looked at her & said, “i know you are feeling sad about this elle.”  Then he looked up at me & started to tear up! He came in for some crying and hugs then went back to playing,,,yeah–he’s THAT empathetic! elle didn’t care much-ha!] ,,, i am thrilled the girls have HIM as an older sibling & example.IMG_3733

little D still packing on the lbs. — cutest thighs ever !!! IMG_3760

every morning, william goes into my room and “checks” on delila. he has mastered tip toeing & whispering,,but he still usually wakes her up because he says “she wasn’t sleeping, she was playing peek-a-boo”. ha! IMG_3784


this is one of my favorite pictures of elle & delila… elle is smirking but she is just so proud! and her angry birds tattoo looks rad.IMG_3824

below, william is showing off his JAWS & D is showing off her connection with spirit! thanks kim!IMG_3945

delila started smiling at people at 6 weeks. she especially smiles at william, me & anything with an eyeball or two. IMG_3957

maxim & delilaIMG_3988

elle has gotten wonderful at meltdowns. i applaud her tenacity as well as her immeasurable endurance when it comes to full blown affliction. she even gags & gets popped blood vessels on her neck ! now THATS determination !!! she definitely is 2 !IMG_4021

they are doing everything “the same” and together now. IMG_4038

elle obsesses over D, but she tests delila’s strength at times & i am forced to intervene. IMG_4052

will thought that the b day hats from dollar tree looked “really great” and that it was also going to be nice to look back on them sitting on the counter in the bathroom. so — viola!



more snuggles.IMG_4067


our friends beautiful wedding held at their house ! me & some of the TL girlsIMG_4105

finally !! elle has become obsessed with the iPad! her favorites are endless ABC & reader, abc mouse music videos & books, ALL puzzles, and cleaning up the stripper who got hurt.IMG_4124

and everyday the house is a disaster.IMG_4175

and everyday there are fights.lowres0001-2

elle had a mini shoot with me before her b day party & she was sweetie sweet for some of the pictures which turned out adorable in my opinion ! lowres0001-3

then we got ready for her wild west hoe down ! IMG_4345

and we even hired a pony for rides !!IMG_4349

a couple weeks ago, we ventured out to “the village” for music in the park where we got to do crafts and even D got her very first crown.IMG_4423

will, liam, elle & delila got into the crafty stuff while PJ tuned into his favorite music gal !IMG_4429

e & p !IMG_4439

being cutelowres0001-4

being will. and cute.lowres0001-5

this is one i took before D was born & i just love how they’re hugging & wearing goggles,, for the fun of wearing goggles !! lowres0001

very round face here !lowres0009-2

everything about this baby is precious.lowres0010





 matt & i have definitely found it challenging trying to manage all three, at times. thankfully, elle has become a bit of a daddys girl. it’s helped me out tremendously & feels much more balanced since she screams at matt & i equally now.lowres0012-2


maxim visits !!lowres0013-2



meaty pawslowres0014









wine babylowres0020




6 weeks! IMG_4229

SO much has happened between then & now,,, but my main goal was to GET THIS THANG (re)STARTED !!! SO ! here we are–well, here we have been !

be back soon,,,

i HOPE !


forever valentine

so ! i have decided that this valentine’s day, i’d recall & reflect how my forever-valentine & i met and fell HARD in love,,, nearly 10 years ago…


the early days

the early days

the weekend.

Put-IN Bay, 2005 016

labor day weekend 2004, my very best friend cassie & i had planned to attend a friend’s bachelorette party, where else: than the beautiful & classy PUT-IN-BAY. i remember it was the first time i’d ever go there, and during the entire planning process, i assumed this “PUT IN BAY” was up north. oddly, it’s so much lower than just south! i was working midnights at the time so i was well-oiled for staying up all night & part of me felt nervous to attend this bachelorette party for numerous dramatic reasons, as well as my own personal mania that i was happily dwelling in, in my own little city & life set up. cassie actually drove there the day before i was able to, being that i had to work the night before but i figured i’d go late anyhow, as the drive is fairly quick from where i lived.  i actually don’t remember much of the entire trip but the drama shined on strong & i do recall a girl blowing up a queen air mattress. i also know that i kind of slept in this creepy shed-like area on the back of a boat with some ridiculously young boys who were crying about there girlfriends dumping them. and their dad was present. the whole things was too funny…and then i got off and threw up. i wore a bathing suit, a pink slip-like skirt, and a trucker hat the entire 30 hours of my visit and then hopped in a pool with the girls to “clean up” before deciding whether cassie & i wanted to stay the next night or head home. after all the fun we had had the night before, i was sure another night would be EASY to convince cassie to attend, but she was persistent that she wanted to head home that sunday night. we both worked the next night and she was ahead of me in the whole “lets be responsible” part of being medical professionals… at least on this day she was !!


only at the bay!

only at the bay!

so we sunned with the girls for bit, hopped in our individual cars & headed back to her house in royal oak that i LOVED SO MUCH !!! we spoke on the phone and made a stop or two on our way back and i remember just feeling so free,,,and just happy. i was finally just single & not feeling controlled by anyone, and remember that at that time in my life, i told cassie that i wasn’t going to go out and date anyone, unless it was serious. i felt i had wasted time dating people i wasn’t mentally stimulated by and i wasn’t going to ever do that again. being single i had no commitments to anyone but me and i loved the freedom as well as the fun of getting attention without feeling guilty or saying “i have boyfriend…” yadda yadda yadda… i also just loved hanging out with my girlfriends and working. i was working out a lot and partying way too much, but i was having fun & for me, it was something i knew i’d hoped for as i pretty much went from boyfriend to boyfriend over the prior 8ish years. we arrived at her house and went right inside, took two shots of crown royal, put on our favorite clothes,tied up our dirty hair,,and headed back out. this was our agreement. i actually wore a mary-kate & ashley olsen silky-halter top and american eagle jeans that i pretty much wore EVERYWEAR. i felt amazing. we were tan,,we were rosie cheeked from the whiskey, and we were just humble to be going out, both happy with our returned to michigan agreement.

she's the responsible one !

she’s the responsible one !

first we stopped by lily’s seafood and i can’t remember what was weird there, but SOMETHING made us leave pretty quickly after arriving… we headed on over the fifth avenue and there was a waitress flirting with an acoustic guitar playing one-man-band man, and it was just SO pathetic it was embarrassing. the guy did not know HOW to shut her down, as he was speaking through microphone and she was clumsily saying just way too much and we agreed it was just awkward altogether. we wrapped up our bill & headed to…

memphis smoke. the meeting place.

miss this girl :(

this was not AT memphis smoke,,,but you get the idea…miss this girl 😦

cassie and i were just 23 at the time, but we thought we were rockstars and while 23 sounds like 2 years of going to bars, we both had plenty of freedom from a very young age and felt like “we owned the place” in most bar situations. we hopped up on a couple bar stool upstairs on their outdoor patio, and we waited for a bartender. he came up to us, and i was sure he’d seen us there before but nonetheless, he asked for our IDs and we handed them over & asked for our drinks. he told us to “wait just a second” and then he walked off with our IDs. i looked at cassie and thought,,,now what!? she softened my harsh face with a “lets just wait, then have a beer” and i thought ‘what-ever…. I’m totally 23. i don’t know why this is taking SO long…’ the bartender was looking at our IDs under a backlight and up to the sun & all that and all i could think was,,,,I’m,,,,leaving,,,,,, … he walked back to us and explained that his door guy had been letting girls in with improper ID on purpose so he had to take his time to be sure we were legit. once we knew what was happening we were much happier to stick around. it was the longest night of odd bar hopping we had ever had & we laughed at how hard to was to just go out and get a drink with a girlfriend that night.

digital cameras were brand NEW!

digital cameras were brand NEW!



we sat there for maybe ten minutes and this Dave Navarro-looking guy approached us & quickly started to aggressively talk to me as if i were interested. i probably wasn’t responding as kindly as i might recall, to get him off my back, but i somehow asked him to leave us alone. i told him that we were just out as girls and really just wanted to be alone. he looked at me as if i were joking…as if to say this couldn’t be real… really!? you two genuinely want to go out to this place and NOT have ME talk to your faces??? I’m pretty sure i straight face told him, “yes, we don’t want to talk to you.”  and he marched off just a few feet away but kept looking at us. we laughed and talked about how guys hit on girls and really had a fun time. really fun. i remember not knowing if we were going to stick around or if our night was ending, but after some time, i pretty much got up and walked towards the doorway (out) and there matt was. he was just walking in and i looked him right in the eye & said, “i know you.” and all that sounds kind of corny in story but leave it to me to add to it. i was also in full flex. like a three-year old flexing her biceps,,,but i was also really trying to flex my lats as well. weirdo.

actually AT M.P. !

actually AT M.P. !

matt was cute, he looked at me as if i weren’t doing anything unusual and just said ,”hi.” he sat next to cassie and i and i nervously pretended that there was some way i could introduce him to her, even though i really only crossed his path a few times at the hospital. one of those times a friend of mine said, “that guy’s an asshole.” and i thought i’m going to marry that guy. i really never hoped to get married nor had it ANYWHERE on my agenda but i will never forget those words running through my mind as i learned of this asshole. so,,,that night he ended up upstairs at memphis smoke, i had little to say to cassie about how i knew him but i told her he worked at the hospital and we all sat there talking for a while… i remember asking him if he’d take a shot with us and he didn’t cringe over whiskey so i liked that. we all three were IN the conversation, so i was happy to have him there with us. i was really glad i had that dumb halter on & my best jeans ever too. the dave navarro guy walked by us and said “you won’t talk to me but you’ll talk to a guy with no d#&k!?” and i was mortified that he’d be such an ass, as well as not surprised by it at all. matt just looked up with a smile and i swear, everything inside of me thought THANK GOD. i don’t know HOW that teensy black haired-tattooed guy felt so confident to say such an ignorant remark but it clearly reinforced the “no, we don’t want to talk to YOU” we initially intuited. (now, when we talk about how we met, matt doesn’t remember that guy speaking, but I’m pretty sure his response in that moment would’ve been what it was…nothing. perfect.)

photo credit to ksenija savic photography

photo credit to ksenija savic photography

cassie was getting tired and we had super-secret girl language talk where i got the “ok” from her that i could stay. i told matt that i was going to stay out and that i might let him drop me off at her (very nearby) house later on. (case & i had walked to her house from downtown a lot,,in fact, we often ran  😉 ! matt and i carried on long conversations at the bar. we talked about a lot and i remember thinking he was way far out there from anyone id ever dated,  and i liked his composure. he wasn’t aggressively flirty but i though he liked me,,, we were just having fun,,but it felt like just us. we left memphis smoke and walked out the back door towards the next-door coney island and i know we both agreed “we were hungry” but i also know that we both didn’t care about food & just wanted to talk more & more,,,awwwwww. he subtly let his arm run into my entire being on the 10-foot walk and “he’s flirting with me” echoed in my brain,,with some wonder…  we crammed ourselves into the packed coney island & waited to be seated. eventually we were seated at a booth and never saw a waitress. the place was zooming with business and we fit right in. we sat there for 2 hours,,just talking and i told him about our weird night,,,he told me about his.

this is the part i loved for years.

he had come out that evening from his family’s house and was going to meet up with someone at the first-floor inside bar at memphis smoke. the guy wasn’t able to meet him so after matt had originally arrived & sat down at memphis smoke, he had actually left and gone back to his car to head home. for whatever reason, once he almost got into his car,,,he changed his mind, turned back around and went back to the bar, even though his friend wasn’t going to be meeting him,,, and he headed upstairs. knowing matt, this is not like him AT ALL. we have always wondered if we’d have crossed paths no matter what? for instance, if cassie & i did decide to leave once we’d gotten our IDs back, would we have run into him on his first exiting of the bar? for me, it just tops the cake (?) that we were supposed to meet that night… awwwww. even reflecting on it brings me back so strongly…i have always wondered so much about the grand scheme of things and about our meeting that night…

eventually we were solely served two waters to-go. we smiled & shrugged and i said, “i guess thats our cue,” and we left. it had been long night but neither of us were ready/sure how to leave each other so we walked around for a while and i showed him my favorite restaurants & bars… we lightly talked about getting together at one of them and then i pretty much made a date. i told him i was off on thursday and in that, i was positive we’d just set it up. because i was/am such a bold person, i am sure it may not have read as a sure (romantic) thing to him, but in my head, it was on. whether i was ultimately going to like him or not, thursday: we were going out! i decided i felt safe enough to let him drop me off at cassie’s & i told him “he could”.. as if he was just granted some kind of wish or something! gee! so he pulled up to cassie’s driveway and i got close to his ear and face parts and i said, “neRVous!” and i kissed his cheek and dashed OUT. he was smiling, i think,,,and i slammed the door and marched into cassie’s house,,,thrilled on the inside.

it was kind of like this i guess !

it was kind of like this i guess !

over the next few months, insane fervor & love quickly encompassed every cell of our beings. i gained a quick 17 lbs by eating & drinking and not putting ANYTHING first but “how-to-get-to” see matt again, and before i knew it, he was at my house making chicken marsala and cooking up a storm for me on Valentine’s Day. i imagine there were cards and gifts and hot-actions,,,but ever since, we make that same meal & it always always always brings me right back to the crazy twisty feeling of our new love & how strongly we bonded into it in our relationship.

clearly he ADORES ME !!!

clearly he ADORES ME !!!

there are a billion reason why i love him. and more,  i am just grateful we met that one silly night so i could spend every valentine’s right by his side, at the stovetop making that same chicken marsala, now with a feisty, ankle-biter daughter and an angelic yet cold-ridden son…

there’s a memphis smoke rooftop just waiting for each of us, I’m SURE !


happy valentine’s day!

ultrasad & bling race!

january 10th,,,the date i had been looking forward to ever since i peed in a shot glass (instead of drinking out of one!) & found out that i’d be having one more baby…this time we have been eager to find out the sex, while in the past we had not found out that news. we waited and wondered,,, we assessed ALL my symptoms, and tried to figure out whether it’d be a boy or girl based on things like “i don’t feel like chocolate or meat AT ALL” & “I’m not quite as emotionally disastrous as i was with elle, am i?” (i have been worse!)

20 weeks! the morning of,,,

20 weeks! the morning of,,,

the morning started out rough, which must have been my forewarning… this week we experienced SNO.M.G. (thanks lisa frame) and the temps had been SO LOW, that we were stuck indoors all week. literally…my husband went to work & my son was lucky enough to get an invite to go bowl with our super considerate friends & then out to lunch, as i stared out the window wondering if the sun was just playing jokes..it wasn’t! it was so icy out there that we really didn’t plan to get outside,,,until friday (jan 10th),, when temps rose to a humid 30.

i geared up, and got my drunken octopus childrens’ limbs crammed into layers of sleeping bag equivalent pants & jackets, forced their tiny fingers into mittens and gloves, and strapped those boots on SO tight i was sure we would be outside just as long as it took me to actually GET US READY… unfortunately the snow was just so deep that as soon as elle took steps, her boots got swallowed by the snow undertow and somehow her socks were missing too. i didn’t notice at first but once i did, it became a game of boot & mouse and our ventures quickly turned into two screaming children being crammed into the side door as i refused to deal with my sons morning of whining and my daughters attempts at frost bite. i came in and told my son to quit all the whining, that if he is whining about something, then that something is going to end. in this case: the outdoor adventure we all craved so much. i instantly felt bad for not being sure if he understood me, and i felt guilty and sad. an endless battle in parenting, at least for me (especially for me with him, he is verrrry sensitive). we wrapped up the tears and had some hot chocolate and i considered ideas for “how to end impatience, in an impatient situation”… i did come up with an idea & i hope to write about it asap…

boot the boot

boot the boot

the plan this morning was to grab an early lunch & meet my husband after his short day so that we could all go to my US as an eager family. i felt like i was running late but met my husband at a coney island not far from my doctors’ office. my anxiety had already been tested and pondered, but adding the children to this visit after a chaotic lunch was just a bad idea. elle is pretty awful whenever we go out to eat. she hates the high chair but is not big enough for the booster and we are left moving her around every few seconds to appease her, so we can TRY to eat. she screams and cries, eats crayons, and rubs food in her eyes and hair. it’s pretty. william gets anxious about me being upset and tries to make sure everything is going to be ok, and i ALWAYS leave to either put elle in the car to relax (she actually loves it) or go to the bathroom to wash her hands and face. i actually usually eat before we go so i don’t have to get pregnant-crazy-woman hungry where i rip waitress’ souls out with my eyeballs as i wait for food. this lunch was pretty typical.

just an example of her expressions while dining out

just an example of her expressions while dining out

after elle & i got out of the bathroom, matt & will were ready to pay up and get to my appointment. at this point i was about a 7 out of 10 on the anxious scale, partially from my morning, and the other part being that i was nervous about scary US news. i mean, this IS the only time when you get to “see” your baby. i hadn’t done any genetic testing because i just followed suit with my previous pregnancies, and this US is where you get an “idea” that things are going smoothly…or not. effing scary right?! elle rode the quarter horse and we raced out the door!

i parked like a crazy person and raced into my dr.’s office, signed in and was told right away to just “head on back”,,, matt followed shortly behind me with the confused & tired kids and the US tech was ready & waiting for us. we were’t late but i know that we could have been earlier to arrive (ie. seemingly earlier to leave),,,which would have let my brain rest, knowing my kid would be one step closer to getting her demanded rest. as soon as i lied down, we handed the kids suckers and elle started screaming as if to say “what the hell is happening to my mom!?” and within 3 minutes, i had matt take her out to the waiting room where i heard her wail as if to say “i need that lady you are ripping me away from!! she is THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF ME OR IM GOING TO IMPLODE IN 30 SECONDS!!!…” i guess it helped that matt took her out, but now it was just will & me,,,and my exciting news… the US tech was very thorough and i told her we did want to know the sex. she scanned and william held my hand,, he’d glance at the screen and say “look mommy, it’s the new baby, aww, it’s so cute!” and i actually felt more adoration for him as he popped his sucker in and out of his mouth and gazed at what he had no idea was 4 chambers of a healthy heart. good start! the tech was confident and talking with me as i asked a few general questions and she captured pictures of the baby i wished i’d had the chance to grovel over. she scanned the vaginaballs area and right away i thought,”whoa!? it’s a boy!” and then i learned that that boy was actually the umbilical chord spun between it’s legs,,,and it wasnt going anywhere! i was squirming from side to side, and flipping around trying to help her get a good money shot, but nothing. the tech was sure i could come back later on for a gender US and otherwise said that the baby looked great at 14oz.

she ran the wand up the baby to the head to get a few more pictures and said, “oh, there’s a cyst in the brain. yep. there are choroid plexus cysts. yep, that side too. i just have to get pictures of that.” and all the sweet moments went down the mom soul drain as if i were just proposed to but all i heard was the “will you marry me?” part. it was more than THAT intense, but it was equivalently & exponentially opposite in happiness. i was devastated. i had no idea what choroid plexus meant and all i could think was, “are these tumors? is this baby ok? why am i here? is this a genetic thing? whats happening?” the tech explained thoroughly that it was nothing to be concerned about. she went into detail about what those parts are and how this type of thing occurs and even said that they’d likely dissolve. i was still shaken but i was ok. i felt a bit relieved knowing that my husband could hear about this from me rather than just next to me, holding our pissed off toddler. the tech was very good. i liked her even though i was unsure about that news, and i got cleaned up and walked out with a poppy angel boy, and a cyst covered sex-secret unborn baby. none of this was how i’d expected it’d go. but i was so warmed having been told that the baby looked great. that part was imbedded into my heart & soul, and even with this news of something i was not sure about, i have had a very sure feeling that no matter what, this baby is doing well. i am not positive what that means, but in my deepest self, i have had good feelings about him/her. i walked out to the waiting area where my daughter leapt onto me like a leach and my son lied down flat on the ground. i told my husband that the sex wasn’t revealed and that the baby looks great. i said that it has choroid plexus cysts, but i was assured it was nothing to be concerned about…. and then i hit 10.

matt instantly started searching stuff on his phone,, my overtired & pressed baby was crying and nestling into me, and my son was blankly laying on the ground. i was upset because our plan was for me to wait for my actual 20 week appointment to see the doctor and matt was to take the kids home. instead i felt like i was being smothered with thoughts and concerns (and by people: inside & outside of me)–i had not gotten to experience the fun of ‘finding out’ that i’d imagined, and my general feelings of trying to meet my kids’ needs in an environment that i put them in, that wasn’t really meeting any of our needs, was stressing. i had to ask matt to “not do this right now” and that “i was not sure what any of it really meant and that i could ask the doctor”. i don’t love looking up horror stories on the internet immediately after finding out new words,,, and NOW was not the time. the tears started and they didn’t stop for 4 hours. it was all just too much.

he left with the kids and i stayed for my appointment. it was a flop. the doctor looked at me as if i were crazy when she walked in and i said “hi. don’t be alarmed. i am crying because of the cysts and i don’t know what they are or what it really means and thats why i am happy to see you, so you can explain it all to me.” she literally had a partially opened mouth as if i were crazy and told me to stop crying. she said that the baby looked great & that we’d continue as normal. that this is common and likely only visible due to high quality equipment so they document it, and that was it. she asked if i’d had cramps or questions and we began to wrap it up. i asked about doing sit ups,and i wondered if it was ok to do them if i were instructed to in a class and for how long? she basically told me to not do sit ups, that “she didn’t know what kind of working out i was doing” and that they pretty much just recommend yoga. awesome. I’m not scheduling with her if possible and i will probably be induced just to get the doctor i prefer. pretty immoral for me but i was really upset and i didn’t feel compassion. besides, there’s a chance my neighbor or husband can deliver if i do go into labor on my own. it should only be about an hour or two !

she told me to “wait it out,” which i guess meant to “get my ugly-cry face cleaned up before i leave to check out” and that was it. i barely brought myself to not-tears and just walked to the front desk unashamed, and sat there very overwhelmed with my orders to “be happy & do yoga”, then scheduled the next appointment. i got out to my car, sat there crying because of such a day & finally started driving and just thinking with weepy tears, not full-blown screamer tears. i (parked) had texted stephanie one thousand times and got her support (thanks for that steph!) and i just sat there numb… it wasn’t just the cysts, or the umbilical vaginaballs, it was everything. i was just having a very bad day, and the events of it didn’t help. my friends were sweetly bombarding me with wishes to know the sex and all i could do was try to explain that i didn’t know,, and it wasn’t really on my mind anymore. i know people were excited, but after all the energy i had put into that morning and then all the energy drained from me through a few confusing moments, i had nothing left. i drove and wondered, what now? are you just done or what? my little blankie picked up 2nd hand cigarette smoke from the smokers outside the office and i puffed it all the way home.

i often find myself driving behind cars of all sorts, with one break light out. it happens usually twice a day if i venture out and it always happens when i am in a pit. it happens in moments when i feel out-of-control or in moments when i am wondering about my life. for real…i started up woodward avenue and looked for my “sign”… no such luck.. i drove and wondered what exactly was digging so deeply into my emotional self and i just cried. i passed the mall and my old school, i forgot about the burnt out break light i never saw and took an ambivalent right onto a road and there it was…

and a mercedes at that!

and a mercedes at that!

while things like this bring me such relief, and i really believe they are my own little reminders that life is just as its “supposed” to be, i couldn’t fully just accept the events of the day. but i AM so grateful that the break light happened that day,,just when i stopped looking…

Once i got home, i was very tired & drained…i didn’t get on my phone..i just set it down & tried to enjoy the thrill that my kids express at my company. matt had looked deeply into the cysts and into medical journals enough to ease my worry and we ate food and watched sofia the first,,,again.

late that evening, when my friend amy texted me asking if i had still planned to run the “bling in the new year” race we had considered, i explained to her my day & her response brought me such light. she told me that her son had shown the same cysts on his US, and that it was nothing to worry about. another friend told me her friends child had them and again,,it was nothing.. i started to think that racing the next day might lift my spirits, shake the sad from my innards, and MAYBE even soften the giant cry bags that were consuming my face! i told her i’d go and i registered as her partner.

the next morning was ridiculous. this race was new to me but i had seen it before on runmichigan so i figured it was just composed of little online. the details said : 9:30am. that was it. we came by 9 and got to talk the whole way there about my previous day. amy is one of my best listener friends and in that,, best friends. anyone who can sit long enough to listen, really listen to another persons words is someone to cherish. she really heard what i had been saying and she was so sweet in her support and by the time we got to the race start bar, i was lifted so much of my concerns over the cysts and previous happens of the bad day. thanks amy !!!!

we sat at the bar after we had been given a map and a list of store names, and we were told we had to scheme a path to hit all the stops, to collect “the goods” and once we returned, we would have run a 5k. we hilariously tried to figure out where the places were that we had never heard of and i quickly gave up saying “well, if we don’t like it then we can just go for a leisurely run and come back”. but once we were out,,we were committed.

first we ran to hollywood market and the challenge was to answer a question about the stores history or run extra distance and come back. i was deflated. it felt weird running after having been mostly in the gym and i was getting bigger (20 weeks), so i said i wasn’t going to do it. amy ran in, got the date, and we grabbed our beads and headed to the next 14 challenges.

there was even karaoke & i sang MY HEART OUT!

there was even karaoke & i sang MY HEART OUT!

there were numerous stores and places to run to. some with fun challenges like throwing a disc onto an inflated octopuses tentacle, and answering questions from a teenage boy such as “when is the next leap year” & “name 3 greek gods” but my very favorite one was the aquarium.


you walk into this dark, stinky reptile store,,,walk ALL THE WAY TO THE BACK, and there was this guy standing there with a fishing lure type box that had a hole on top. i instantly knew I WAS NOT GOING TO DO THIS ONE. he explained that one of us had to grab our beads from the box, after reaching through the thousands of crickets that were in there. eff no. somehow, amy agreed to do it & i pretty much was peeing my pants while my unborn baby peed out it’s vaginaballs!!! she was grabbing handfuls of crickets and throwing them out as she squealed in an attempt to get that damn beaded necklace. bugs were flying everywhere and i was laughing so hard on the inside, my smile looked dumber than the one i made during that zumba class i did in december. after a few grab and trows, she got the beads and we raced out. i was screaming “animal abuse” and we just quivered at what she had actually just done! it was THE BEST!!!


i still cannot believe that she did it !!!

we got to all the challenges, got all our beads and headed back to the bar in what seemed like the most schematic way and when i looked at my mapmyrun app, we had run just over 4.5 miles…guess we took the path less traveled, but it was so fun & on top of it, we got a really exciting run in! apparently we came in 18th which we think is false, but we sat at the bar and got our complimentary beers (half for me) and headed off to lunch at lilys seafood.

so, after a very emotionally consuming weekend, i just let the next few days roll off the calendar and have found that i am feeling fine. finally. it takes so much out of you just being a parent. top that off with concerns over your pregnancy, a broken dryer for three weeks (!!!) and emotional reactions to your children’s behaviors and you too will sign up for the next best race just to get in-touch with you. for me, it helped ! i don’t know how to end this as far as the cysts go,, my dr says there is nothing to even follow up but i may ask to see if they do dissolve, for my own peace of mind. we go back (ALONE) to see the boy or girl soon & i just can’t wait to know this time !

happy saturday !!


why do people try to scare other people?

why do people try to scare other people?

is it really a version of “misery loves company”? or are people trying to relive their first-grader days of being able to scream “kindergarten babies” in the faces of innocent 5 year-olds whose shoes they were in, just months prior? lately i feel like it’s the latter.


recently i noticed a friend of mine posted an article on her fb page titled “so, You Would Like to Have Three Children” & she went on to say “for those of you with three or having three…”

this also happened to be the same day that i posted my “18 weeks” post about my current, and third pregnancy, so i was left wondering if this was something I was meant to read,,, outside of the fact that it IS relative to me actually. i eagerly clicked onto the article and began to read the author’s opening to her article directed toward experienced parents of three children & to bright-eyed parents of two. quickly, a large part of me started to feel overwhelmed & slapped in the face, as well as incapable & insecure about myself, pregnant with our third child.

i actually did not read the entire article, just then. i glanced through her “scary” pictures of children injured, children standing tables, and a picture of a minivan. none of that was new to me so i happily fearfully clicked off and went on with my day. later that evening i was cleaning up my house & talking on the phone with another girlfriend. she and i conversed about recent things we were reading and i vented about the Scary Mommy book that i have been listening to. i actually found alot of relief finding little tweets on Scary Mommy twitter account, when i was new to being a mom but since then, i have had little time to really dig there. Scary Mommy always seemed slapstick and especially funny to read as i explored my own parenting roads. the Scary Mommy book i have is an audiobook, being read to me by the author so i have to assume i am getting the tones & measures of the way it’s supposed to be read just as she intended. for me, this fails because my own brain tone, is much different and it actually unclothes this woman who i only could wonder what she sounded/spoke like before, and now i know. which can ruin things at times. nonetheless, i got the book for fun and to just lightly listen to and have found myself laughing out loud at parts, which is worth the $11.95 to me! as i expressed my feelings on the book and laughed with my friend, she asked, “have you read that article floating around the world wide web (ha!) about why not to have three children?” i quickly shut her down explaining that i didnt need to read it, i was already a master & that the author’s pictorial reasons behind the article were nothing threatening to me. my friend and i then went on wondering why people try to scare other people. we agreed that alot of it is just silly small-talk, but our conversation ended, and my mind couldnt stop wondering why, really why do people do this?

the “you shouldn’t have a third child” (basically) article in particular is likely one of many parenting posts that that author has written. while i am positive that she and i could connect over so many things, i have been left curious about what could have been her intention in writing that particular post, so i read it today. while i could easily attack each of her complaints as to what having three children does to you, i also dont yet have threee, so my ideas are just that: ideas. they are my back up plan if once my life seems to be as overwhelming as she writes her own. in fact, i may reread it, and consider the plans i’ll need to make for my future. set that aside though,,, what’s the point? im guessing that her whole-hearted intention was to be read & connected with parents of three. since i am not one, it just makes me fearfully brace my seat, as i have just months before i face the truths of what three really will mean. and now i’m scared.

i cant believe i took this (in 2010)?! who REALLY should be more scared!

i cant believe i took this (in 2010)?! who REALLY should be more scared!

still i can not let go of wondering about that subtext,,,people do it ALL THE TIME,,, “just WAIT til you change a poopy diaper???” experienced parents laughably ask as a mother-to-be smiles and holds her belly. or how about “get your sleep now…” or “they only get harder”,,, and the one i have said myself “pray it’s a boy!” … we all have been fondled to death about how hard parenting can be, and just how ill-prepared we are for the tasks at hand. sure, parenting IS the hardest thing i have even experienced in my life, but it hasnt been the poopy diapers that were scary,,, or the sleepless nights. it has been a million tiny details often beating the eff out of my emotional state about each situation, and THAT is nothing anyone could “prepare” anyone for. i wish the girl’s article said something like “three will be hard, three will feel like a hundred, three will make you try to crawl back into your own mother’s vagina,,,” anything but “you cant do it”,,, which is how i felt leaving that article.

the do's & don'ts !

the do’s & don’ts !

i looked deeper into this type of ‘why parents try to scare other parents’ idea, and found this wonderful article written a few years ago on the exact subject. I will copy and paste my favorite part below but if anyone reading this wants to feel better about having children in general,  cry & also understand the actual efforts those are making around you as you are about to experience the most thrilling & challenging days of your life, read on! i bolded my heart wrenching faves!


Rev Meg Barnhouse being quoted in Belkin’s article : “I do not know why people try to scare you when you have a baby. As soon as they hear your news they go unswervingly to the horror stories. They’ve probably been scaring the baby’s mother for months now with stories of pregnancies gone wrong. If they can’t think of bad-seed kid stories, they say, “Wait until you have a teenager!” I want to tell you something a little different. Have fun is what I say. Enjoy this baby and enjoy your newly expanded heart.

Lisa then writes: After several meaty pages — reflections on her (Rev. Meg Barnhouse) own journey with two sons, now grown — she concludes:

Your son will make mistakes, too, as he grows, and some of those will make you cry. Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. Try to be in control of yourself rather than of him, and you’ll be okay. Love is hard on the heart. Your heart can’t remain perfect and proud, unscarred and perky. It will be worn and joyous, wise and beat up, and full of sorrow and amazement. It will tremble with the awful knowledge of how helpless you are to keep him from pain, of how closely he will watch you to see what to become and what not to become. I would rather have this heart than the one I had before the first baby.

Lisa continues: All of this is to say you are in for quite a ride. Buckle everybody up, feel the wind in your hair, and crank up the music. Enjoy. Life has just gotten larger.

Back to the question: Why do people try to scare new parents?

In part, I think, because they don’t think they are scaring. They think they are sharing. Becoming a parent means having matter-of-fact conversations about things you would never consider having in public before your child was born. And you quickly get used to that and forget that it sounds downright gross to those who have not gone through the portal of discussing bowel movements over dinner.

In part it is because these veteran parents feel like members of a club, and they are initiating you. Bonding with you. Yes, there is an aspect of hazing, but there is also the message that we got through it, so can you. And keep in mind, that some of the time it is not you they are reassuring, but themselves.”


back to me,,, hopefully that wasnt too tooooo confusing to read,,,i just had to post this. i feel that i am often hearing the complaints swarming about being a parent. i like to complain too, sheesh! but if anyone asks me advice, i tell them the bright side. the truth is, i genuinely SEE the bright side. it must be how i cope. even reading others situations, i find that im quickly looking for ways to help relieve them in their situations, even if it is just an ear or an idea. and for myself, i leave room for why i love that Elle is SO hard, and that i WILL BE ABLE TO DO THIS. and by this,,, i mean survive,,,with joy,,, and with three…!?

i dont know,,,maybe i am just a reactive pregnant person, but i wanted to speak my mind on this. at least my hormonally driven & at-this-moment motivated mind 🙂

happy tuesday & enjoy your newly expanded heart !

newborn william

newborn william

pull ups,,,not pull up.

i have been eager to commit to my resolutions 2014. i once knew a lady who said ” i dont like to consider them resolutions,,, it just feels right to come up with some new plans for the year”…umm, yeah duh! that WHY theyre resolutions!! i have embraced even my failed resolutions more since trying to imagine cushioning such a thing as a new years resolution.

im bout to break it down…

THIS YEAR,,,2014,,, i will (or i at least WANT TO) :


1. go to church more. like once a week. not only because i love our church, but because its one hour of legitimate “shh” time for my kids and i get to sit there & just t h i n k & consider my faith. i often cry at church but that will probably be buried by my pissed-off pregnancy hormones so i wont even be crying there until june ! this one is easy too, now that i dont care about how my kids nap as much as i did when i was walking on eggshells with my daughter last year. praise be to GOD !

2. lift weights. i know,,i know,,, youre not supposed to go cow tipping when youre pregnant,,,but i can definitly have arms that dont look like homer simpson’s right? i want to really try getting stronger so i can labor this baby easier too by the way! and so i can adjust peoples’ glances from my jacked up partially removed chest tattoo or VERY “lived in” stomach,,,to my glisteningly toned other body parts! besides, lifting makes you feel rad.

put-in bay. no comment.

put-in bay. no comment.

3. more races, more donatio’s. i need to donate more so i’d love to continue to do so through charitable races as well as other ideas to contribute to others. i especially look forward to the conversation with my older kid about how not everyone gets their needs met with just a “mommy, can i have edamame pleeeeeease” and have him begin to understand that he is fortunate and we can help others who arent so. also i plan to run about a race(or more) a month. even one in may!

lucky diner

lucky little diner

4. put my phone down. this has been on my mind since late summer,,,when we got sent indoors and i realized just how often i have my phone in my hand,,,or its lost. i lose it every time i put it down, thats actually a good thing i think! i want to put my darn phone down and not be semi-attending to two things at once at all times. i hate that my kids see me with my phone in hand so much, unless im taking a picture (that i dont mind). i also notice, that if i rock my baby with my phone,,, i look through silly nonsense as she rests up in my arms,,,but if i have no phone i practically bring myslef to tears singing this song, as i did with my son for years. i kiss her and snuggle her til she giggles with joy. im pretty sure that’s better for us both,,,and there are MANY more moments when i can deeply thrive in my life with love instead of learning about brad pitts letter to angelina. gag me. i also think my children feel more important if i am not tending to a plastic mostly-social-media device that often brings me negativity anyway.

obviously there are times when youNEED your phone,,camera at least!

that was permanent! obviously there are times when you NEED your phone,,camera at least!

5. pulls ups. i am 100% committed to this one. i know what it takes for me to be able to do pull ups,,, and i will do them. not one,,,but ups! i could do 4 sets of 5 pull ups in 2004. since then i fatted out in love, then just kept healthy but never became as physically fit as i was when i could do those pull ups. i don’t care if it’s 3, i will do pull ups by the end of 2014. i have a plan…unfortunately i will gain thirty lbs before i ever begin the training, but once i drop an overnight 20, i will be soon on my way to the weight i NEED TO BE, to pull my own body up, and up again two more times to consider myself a person who can do pull ups. three is the elementary presidential physical fitness award!!! i can do this.

zero pull ups since 2004,,,whaaaaaa

zero pull ups since 2004,,,whaaaaaa,,,it be lost!

i’d love to hear others’ resolutions! it inspires me to know others are trying to better themselves no matter what that means to each of us!

happy 2014!

the past 18 weeks! (because of course i count in weeks!?)

you may have guessed it !!! i am — yet again — p r e g n a n t !!! while i do plan to go into great details from the extreme camel toe to the depths of horror that i am as a pregnant person,,, below i will simply delight you with beautiful maternity pictures that i have captured with zero consistensy or potential for comparison to previous pregnancies or pregnancy-to-come pictures. besides,, im never doing this again… ever !

i will say,, we are delighted that i am finally not a raging demon terrorist to my own soul,,, i am a very depressed pregnant person for the first three months & i cannot see the light during that time,,,thankfully it has lifted. also, with the constant challenges that parenting brings, i am SO fulfilled to get the chance ONE MORE TIME, to screw up a little less, and to love all crazy-kind-of love on this baby-to-be this spring !

soooo,,, the weeks… i have creatively captured my gradually changing body in ways i had no idea i would…until i decided to scavenge through photos & write this puppy up!

WEEK 1: not too much to say about this one…err– i took a picture of this JO’s plate because they had parked ridiculously terribly in a sea of a full lot & i had few options… i was afraid that they’d smash my wheels up, so here you have week 1. not even pregnant yet ! & i had on JEANS !!!


week 1

WEEK 2 : this is not where the magic happened,, but you get the idea…


week 2

WEEK 3 : i remember taking this photo just before i went off to run 10 miles. i had been training for the Brooksie Way Half Marathon but i put that race on hold, because week 4 revealed i would be verrrrry tired (&crazy!!) in the weeks to come! no camel toe (credited to courtney!) !!


week 3

WEEK 4 : i was positive that i was instantly “showing” this pregnancy, and looking back, that idea is laughable. i don’t think i knew i was even pregnant here, but i was sure i looked like i was since i knew the reveal would be soon!


week 4

WEEK 5 : below is a photo that my son & i took while we were off on a jog/bike ride. we switched turns taking the same placed photo and this is what the app came up with! not bad,,, but i see a teensy bit of bloat, for me!


week 5

WEEK 6 : i was not yet to the point of personal misery based on my smile, and i remember that i had woken at 5am to run on the mill before the kids were up, so clearly i was feeling skinny but i definitely see a lower belly bulge beginning! (even though the baby is the size of a caterpillar leg at this point!)


week 6

WEEK 7 : the smile,,,gone. here i am telling my friend that my gut is feeling bloated and disgusting. i am sure i had put on 5 lbs and felt nasty. workouts came to a halt, and i was “my glowing” pregnant self for the next 10 weeks !


week 7 bloated!

the last day i wore jeans. and the last day i’ll ever wear THOSE jeans!


week 7

WEEK 8 : was actually great! i got to go up north for a friend’s bachelorette weekend & the freedom from parenting responsibilities let me just eat whatever i wanted, or didn’t want, and i had time to just feel pregnant,,, and sneak wine down the drain as my friends sipped glass after glass at multiple michigan wineries!


week 8

WEEK 9 : with both my previous pregnancies, i had my first US at 9 weeks, and each of the feti (?) read out at 9 weeks 3 days. because my children are here & healthy, and my labors went splendidly, i try to stick with the exact same “plan” and week 9 was when we got the proof, that i was in fact, carrying a giant headed swirled up piece of genetic beautifulness (just 9 week sized).

officially 7 lbs weight gain for me & fetus’s heartrate was in the 160s


week 9

WEEK 10 : my pants were tight, and while i was tired as heck, somehow i woke up early enough to run this icey/freezing race with my friends & slap that smile on my face !


week 10

WEEK 11: i was delighted to learn that my best friend cassie was coming to town for my birthday, and here is the only full body shot of me from that week. i felt blue & weird, but her presence was fun & my husband took so much time with the kids so i could go shopping all weekend. i missed alcohol but still felt very hung over.


week 11

WEEK 12 : i remember trying to pretend i actually felt better but i was still having bad days of feeling worthlessness. the morning sickness was never nearly as bad as it was with my daughter, so that had pretty much subsided although i had yet to feel like eating anything in particular…this day i was thinking up ways to show other mothers “how-to”‘s such as how to blow dry your hair after taking a shower. it’s a huge success in my house & the kids love the bath time! belly is widening!


week 12

WEEk 13: that look on my face appears genuine,, and i believe it was. i was doing more & more and actually feeling more normal. it still never fully left until nearly 17 weeks, but here i can tell i was almost to the point of getting back into fitness, and that, for me, is the sign that i am going to be ok. fitness really is my ultimate passion. in fact, i think 30 days of fitness jaime 2013 started shortly after this.

at the doctor, i actually lost a couple pounds but i still weight 150lbs & i am sure it is because i was feeling a little better. my overall gain will be 30ish lbs. the baby’s hb was 140s. i think i look great here & i am sure that’s partially why im smiling,,,and i am happy that belly is looking more like a pregnancy, and a bit less like just chub !


week 13

WEEK 14: back to working OUT!!!!!!! here you can’t tell $#!t about my pregnancy, but i have on workout clothes, and i was off to a yoga class or something because i have that towel thing in my hand. it absorbs all the crazy amounts of sweat that drape my body when i do any exercize ! anyhow, it’s a sure sign that i am back on track to being not depressed anymore,,,until post partum at least!! nice trash bag!


week 14

WEEK 15: the real deal… i took this picture to send to my friend, and i made a face that she seems to make alot when she takes pictures of her own growing belly. it cracks me UP that she makes no effort to appear happy in her maternity photo diary & i admire how cute she is in every way. so i copy. i was going to workout. see, good sign! ,,,i know,, I’m getting boring & monotonous but i still am thrilled that i am feeling so much better!


week 15

WEEK 16 : here i caught my shadow while drinking green kool aid in my kitchen & it’s clear now,, you’re having a baby. few people have guessed i was pregnant, but it’s also 10 degrees out, and clothes cover everything up. im definitely looking pregnant to those who know me though!!


week 16

WEEk 17 : this was me at the doctors appointment. it had been three days since i started actually feeling 100% myself again & i was happy to tell the doctors that no intervention was necessary for my prior appointments discussion about depression. i was feeling great,, and thankfully have continued to ever since. i knew the day would come & now i simply can not WAIT to get through this pregnancy & meet our teensy baby!!

i lost 2 more lbs but it’s just because i wasn’t working out before. the baby’s heartbeat was again 140 bpm… hmm,, boy or girl???


week 17

WEEK 18 : not too much to see from the side view but from the front,, it’s there! back to actually enjoying my life, my family, and fitness. annoying yet!?


week 18


week 18

so,,, there you have it… i have been a treacherous wild beast and a sobbing tiny barfing baby… and now i ommm away my dirty house concerns & am just enjoying the holidays & my life. it’s NOT all peaches,,,, but i can try to make it as good as it get for me,, and thankfully i have the mental clarity to actually go there now.


19 weeks this friday!

more to come !

Workout: Day 12 & onward !

DAY 11 was a flop… it was 8 degrees with a winter weather advisory so as soon as my husband came home, it grew dark & i was OUT FOR THE COUNT of “30 business days workout 2013.”

Icy face

fortunately I had made plans with a friend who i have know since she was 1 second old, so we met up downtown & it immediately buried my guilt over not getting any fitness in. we shared appetizers & talked about so many things, old & new, and really relished in our continuing friendship of 29 years…today (i started this on Dec 20th,,,sighhh)! December 20th, 1984, i basically got a sister and i am SO happy to have her as a best friend forever,,since FOREVER! and we mean it! we talked and laughed and cried and got hit on & pretty much did every possible fun friend thing you can do in one night including contemplate life &&& look at christmas lights! Corrinne, you have a giant piece of my heart & i will kill anyone who effs with you especially on your b day. Happy Birthday, i love you—REALLY,,,like a sister!!!



The next day was Thursday & my husband wasnt going to be home til 7ish,,, and then he had a poker night planned! I knew my chances at getting a workout were limited, so i brought the kids down to the basement so i could attempt to do Jackie Werners upper/lower/abs circuit on DVD and it was complete fail. Everytime I’d lie down, elle sat on me or my head. Then I got her her own weights to use & it kept her interest until 30 seconds later when she pooped. and since i am cloth diapering, i had to change that mess quickly to avoid it getting too plastered into the cloth, so needless to say, my workout went to $#!t . thankfully, i got to eat a million cookies at my friend amy’s house as we prepared for a “cookie exchange” party we’d been invited to the very next day. it completely made up for, and then some, my terrible mood as i wasnt able to get my fit in.

why is that baby naked?

why is that baby naked?

sOOOOooooo when friday arrived, i was a crazy person. i had tried all week to manage to fit in fitness and failed in every aspect. i wasnt too hard on myself about it but once i realized my sitter was to arrive at 5:30, i was committed to the gym for as long as i could before leaving to get to the cookie party. in my head, i imagined myself gracefully finding a close spot at the gym, racing in to start my cardio, then following up with the ultimate total body lifting cycle. that is not quite what happened, but i am happy to say that once i broke the news to my husband that the gym was where our date HAD to happen, it was a definite on my agenda. it wound up turning into a real crazy fight over me not feeling supported to get my own time in for what i need and resulted in us heading to the gym,,in silence. i was fuming. i felt like he didnt understand me at all & that i was constantly put on the back burner. i decided it wasnt working for me any longer and that i’d start bringing my kids with me to the gym daycare daily, so i didnt feel pressured to only fit it in at 5am, 9pm, or naps. c’mon,,,, a girl needs some time to recoup through the day. and by recoup, i mean, clean up after the kids meals, clean house, do laundry, put away toys,etc. so not ALL the downtime feels fulfilling when my own personal hopes rarely get met. we got to the gym and i bitchily walked off to get my effing workout in.


i really didn’t !

DAY 12: that workout began with 20 minutes on an elliptical and my heart was racing…it instantly calmed my pissed off mood but i didnt feel good…yet ! i had been reading about weight lifting and decided that i needed to relax a bit on the cardio and get back into weight lifting. the last time i can say i was committed to a regular weight lifting regimen was probably in 2009 before my wedding. 4 months later i was pregnant & took on yoga over any lifting. prior to all that i had been a crazy freak weight lifter but i was also unhealthy and cared SO much about my image that i didnt reap all the benefits that im sure i could have had i been healthier.  but i was ripped ! anyway,,, hopping off the elliptical to get weights in was enlightening. the endorphins released put me into mania! i felt like i actually can get where i want to be, fitness wise, and that i can actually “get my body back”. now, i dont really expect to ever get my old body back, but i do want to be able to complete pull ups, and feel very confident. DAY 12, i felt like a badass and even though i looked quite silly when i did catch myself in the 360 degrees of endless mirrors, i still kept my head up and actually completed a wonderful upper body weight lifting routine. i left with the intention to continue and i have been quite successful at doing much more than just cardio. i cant wait to start the new year and begin bringing my kids with me to the childcare so i can stick to it more often.

i included a couple sefies of me at the gym after my awesome pump !

i included a couple sefies of me at the gym after my awesome pump ! like my sunglasses !?

DAY 13: i returned to the gym for a lower body weight circuit and was thrilled to again feel amazed from it!

DAY 14: ran a quick little 5k through my neighborhood & actually did sit ups afterward.

i never wear pants to the gym

i never wear pants to the gym

i hadnt fully documented my workouts much since so i will just recap the ones that stand out.

DAY 15: 2 days prior to christmas, my friend amy & i went to the gym for a FIT workout which i would compare to a Jillian Michaels type of workout. it was intense & fun. there wasnt dancing type of cardio but you constantly work two parts of your body at once & include alot of balance. it was challenging and a great way to address muscles i didn’t even care that i have!

DAY 16: Christmas Eve. I was feeling so blue as a parent…just watching my son be reactive to my hollaring and reading articles on the Huffington post about “accepting the parent you are” put me into a tailspin & i sobbed as i rocked elle before her nap. i decided i needed some mom-to-mom talk and downloaded Scary Mommy’s audiobook off of iTunes and skipped out of the house for a quick 5K. it was enlightening & fulfilling. my dog and i did one loop together then i followed up with one more alone & took some time trying to accept the person i am.  i tried to believe that im NOT that bad at momming, and, in fact, some of the things i get down about myself hopefully define my kids in ways that benefit their futures. i need to just lighten up on myself, and parent gracefully…whatever that means.

the show cover things were NECESSARY ! no slips!

the shoe cover things were NECESSARY ! no slips!

Christmas day WAS a workout ! my husband & i hosted for my family and it was SO exhausting, i am factoring it in as a gradual uphill 10K. it was tiring and our day began at 6am, and ended at 10pm but we were moving, moving, moving…. I had a great time but am excited to not host next year! Along with that, i was SO sore from the FIT class that i could barely bend over! putting christmas gifts under the tree was comical and ached so bad i was laughing as i knelt down to scootch my body under the huge tree. at one point my loose sweatpants fell down to my knees and i didnt really even have it in me to bend down one more time to pull them up, so i just walked until they were gone. (that was christmas eve when the kids were in bed,,not when my family was over;)

DAY 17: my first barre class! it was definitely challenging and i am eager to see if i feel sore tomorrow! it was very quick 60 mintues so that is always appealing to me !

besides today, i have had a few opportunities to get workouts in & i have really just thoroughly enjoyed my husband’s time off of work. i have been able to sleep in, i have been drinking coffees in bed, my house is a constant toy mess & it feels like christmas everyday!


the best dip i’ve ever had in my entire life

just a quick dip suggestion recipe for you,,, and for me to keep on record! at some point this year i went to a neighborhood dinner party & was told to bring an appetizer. i decided i wanted to make a new dip instead of anything i have ever concocted before so i googled “the best dip i’ve ever had in my entire life” and whipped up a pizza dip! while i know i did follow a recipe that day, since then, i have made changes and THIS is generally what i do to make this rad dip.

i thought it might be a great time to post this in case anyone needs a quick & easy, delicious & easily vegetarian dip for NEW YEARS EVE,,,otherwise know as Kyle/Ryan/Joey (from NKOTB of course)s’ birthdays!!!


All you need is:

2 rectangles of cream cheese

1 small jar of pizza sauce

1 bag of shredded mozzarella or shredded mozzarella blend

italian spices

pepperoni (or diced “pizza topping type” vegetables)

black olives

tortilla chips, toasts, pretzels or spoon it into your mouth!


Heat your oven to 350 degrees

mix 1/2 tsp of each of your spices in with the cream cheese in a bowl, add in some shredded cheese (about a half a cup) then spread the spiced & cheesed cream cheese into the bottom of a 8ish inch pan. i used a round pan so it would look a bit like a pizza.

i used about a half tsp of each of these & forgot to do anything with the sundries.

i used about a half tsp of each of these & forgot to do anything with the sundried’s.


littles will love to help out until their attention span dissolves

littles will love to help out until their attention spans dissolve


once you’ve spread the mix into your pan, sprinkle that layer with chee. afterward, pour the pizza sauce all over.

im dreaming of a white pizza

im dreaming of a white pizza


i like “tons of sauce”


i remember the recipe i used said to place pepperoni atop the final layer of cheese, but my first job was working at Papa John’s Pizza & there was NO WAY, that THAT was going to happen.


I cut up pepperoni to bite sized pieces & placed them one by one onto the sauce. it only took me 1 singing of jingle bells to do this (WITH 1 “dashing through the snow” part included).


sprinkle as much cheese as you like atop the whole mix and make sure you get it to the edges of the pan so it gets crunchy!

looks like a pizza

looks like a pizza


i made this earlier in the day and left it covered & in my cold garage to wait until it was time to bake. once your oven has preheated to 350 degrees, just pop the dip in for 20 minutes and boom,,,



i forgot to serve it with a side of black olives but i do love them & would recommend it!

everyone seems to love this dip everywhere i spread it so i hope you enjoy!!!

happy almost new year’s !

30 (business?!!) days of fitness jaime 2013

whelp! i am here to reveal that “30 days of fitness jaime 2013” has turned into “30 business days of fitness jaime 2013″

first of all, its the holiday season. i dont care who you are or what you celebrate, if you are awake during this season, you will get an invite to a cookie party, a candle partly or the like, a family party, or SOME kind of holiday festivity. usually on the weekend. usually heart warming & FUN!  it’s WHAT WE DO!!!



this year we decided to look at our schedules early and tell our best-neighbor friends that we were hoping to make a trip to Frankenmuth for just a single overnighter so the kids could swim & play and we get in a traditional “chicken dinner”. that last part was new to me. actually, the whole entire thing was new to me. i went to that town only once in my life and in NO way was it to celebrate the Christmas season. SO! amy and i told our husbands the dates we could all go (based on our own plans & the children’s schedules) and the husbands organized. standard for amy & me,, & in fact we talked about this on the trip and we are grateful that we never have to do any planning at all when it comes to family trips. our husbands are like planning coaches/camp counselors/not-creepy clowns/taker-carers of us/swim instructors and it really WORKS OUT GREAT! the funniest part of the swim was the adults going down the slides. i didnt do it out of fear but they all blasted out smiling like 8 year-olds.

pooltime fun while elle napped

pooltime fun while elle napped

we stayed overnight and everyone had fun swimming until their bloodshot eyeballs screamed “we want chicken!” and off to the dinner we went!

thats fruit cake william!

thats fruit cake william!

anyhow,,, being that we left on a saturday and returned sunday, one MIGHT think that that gave me plenty of time to get a workout in once the kids are in bed. sadly this was not the case,,,  see… when you have kids, once they are in bed, you really cherish the time to yourself/selves. it isnt as if my husband & i stare longingly into each others eyes and tear into a deep conversation about the wormhole or anything (although we do have OUR days of this). in fact, there is often little talking going on. and by that i dont mean that we are hooking up. we love to watch a show or even sit at our computers and both get work done or even sometimes just clean. in the cleaning case WE ARE talking. i literally follow him around like a puppy and talktalktalktalktalk until the rooms are picked  up by us/more me or more him. and this is NOT the time to be working out. well, i wish it was. if we had two ellipticals the MAYBE that type of thing would happen but really is isnt ideal and many days he does get a workout in on his way home and i am left to figure mine out based on naps etc. its a decent plan for now because i dont run outside in the darkdark and things will be staying darkdark until December 22rd.  regardless, on an evening once the kids are in bed, we don’t necessarily squish in me getting fit. and especially not at a hotel.

on that Friday prior to our swim/chicken/arcade/dinner meltdowns/frozen fingers/fudge watching/fudge eating extravaganza, I was SO EXCITED to witness one of my best friend’s sisters walk down the AISLE !!! (Obviously, Friday was shot for workouts.)Emily was the most beautiful bride and she is one of the sweetest people i have ever known. i really couldnt wait until her day came to marry her best friend greg. Congratulations Emily & Greg, I know it was ABOUT YOU, but emily & her sister BOTH said to my face “jaime, i am so glad that you’re here.” and it made my week! what a sweet thing to tell someone,,, especially ON YOUR wedding day!! it was a very sweet ceremony and the church was lit up with love. on a funny note, their brother-in-law type family member looked over at greg and emily and quoted a passage,  “love one another as i have loved you” SO strongly that my friend rachel turned to me and pointed a pretend gun at me as if to say “do it or die” and i almost BURST out laughing with jesus himself.566128354_938

just stunning

just stunning

unfortunately i had to skip their reception so i could accompany my husband to his office’s christmas party. this party is always filled with alot of fun and character. i used to work with many of the people from his office and it is one of my favorite parties to catch up with others and to dwell on how wonderful life would be if i got to go back to the OR and actually have people acknowledge my existence and say things like “hi jaime” or “how are you” or “i like your hair” or “image!!!” …  😉  i really set an impression at most white elephant parties and this one was NOT GOING TO PASS ME UP! since we both forgot to bring our weird gifts, we were left with me grabbing last-minute ideas. a bottle of old grand dad & a $5 hot & ready pizza it is!! the pizza was a hit and i am sure this wont be the last time i wind up packaging one up for a white elephant party. my favorite part of this party besides the gifts and fuming over the almost-loss of my chinese tea set, was staring at jen’s shirt until i just decided that i could NOT see her straight-up skin through the sweater holes, and investigating rachel’s new bf and asking her all the questions that matt didnt have the answers to about how two neighbors become lovers and moved into just one of their neighboring homes. yep!9316698-chinese-tea-set-with-cups-and-tea-pot-isolated-on-whitethe Thursday I left this blog from to go run on my t- mill was actually a success. i think that was DAY 8. yeah, so i ran 4 miles and really felt it by the end of that workout. jumping off this blog to get something in really worked for me! i tuned deeply into some other runner peoples blogs then hopped off to grab my son so he didnt nap too long.

once monday surfaced, i feared that i was just going to be lazy but i was NOT! in fact by the end of the day my movement tracking device tallied 14 miles worth of life. while my workout was just another treadmill run, it was something i cant remember but i know i did it. i also did some squats & a few sit ups until i was bored. DAY 9:done.

i GUESS it's working !? ;)

is her butt out at a mall?

yesterday was DAY 10 and i had a struggle back on that treadmill but i ended up completing 5 miles, at around 10 minutes/mile. it was fun and i read about cloth diapering and how to get back into the business of this. i popped off the mill and did 100 sit ups and a few bicep curls until my attention span felt that of a three year old boy i know. (article below is all on my cloth diaper experience.)

i cloth diapered my son but only when i ran out of disposables and i never really figured out the best cleaning method or diapers for me/us. i did figure out that i was a candidate for the flip diaper, but i stocked up and rarely used them because his balls were burnt red one day from urine i guess and that was it for him. thankfully he easily potty trained and quit wearing diapers before he was even 3! ,,, while both my kids are tall, my daughter is very petite and needs long pants, but most are way too big in the waist so cloth diapers help keep em up and they are way cuter than disposables. somehow, i find that by evening, my kids never have pants on. will has boxer briefs but elle prances around in diapers so these are way cuter and eco-friendly and wind up saving money. did you know that disposable diapers instructions actually tell you to dispose of waste into the toilet anyway? i guess its wrong the throw  human poop into a landfill where it could contaminate animals/water. some cloth diapering writers claim that all the chemicals in disposables are in there to help turn the poop into alien non-poop so thats why the chemicals are so powerful. and thats why it can be scary to put on baby body parts. i have no references to that because i dont have time right now to rediscover that link, i apologize. i DO like the cost difference.  just one diaper a day is still going to have one purchasing 365-366 a year.  even if i bought the biggest box of diapers (of the brand we use/used) and if elle didnt ever size up (because the bigger the $$$) i’d spend $150. thats not that much money for a year of diapers but that’s calculating for 1 DIAPER A DAY. i hate throwing away money, and i guess i hate throwing poop turned alien chemical slime away! william used many many more diapers than elle but even if i did use disposables, i’d surely use 5 a day minimum. that really IS putting alot of money catering to my wants and i’d rather shop lululemon. anyhow, the issue i think most people have with cloth diapers is cleaning the poop. i just have my husband do it if it’s too gross for me but i have found that flushable liners make that part a breeze! the washing part is up to my machine and it does a wonderful job. im not really trying to convince anyone here, i just like to figure it all out to keep me going. i know disposables are more convenient, but for me, cloth diapering really isnt difficult and it makes me feel like i am taking better care of my kid and my money.

WHOA! back to workouts. workout.

SO! i just spoke with my diaper hands husband and he will be here in 2 hours so i can go run outdoors for once. i cant WAIT! i love winter running and it all started when my best friend danielle and i ran the port huron hot cocoa run in 2012. it was the coldest run i have ever run and it taught me that dressing warm and running at a comfortable pace with great company can get you deep into winter running. we wore the same shirt and i smile everytime i pull that thing out reminding me of that cold, yet very fun weekend in 2012.

18 degrees = boy briefs, warm leggings, leg warmers, bra, tank top, arm warmers, long wicking sleeve (preferably the lime green aunt D shirt) a down pullover, a neck warmer, a wicking headband, a hat and mittens! phew! am i done yet!?

see you next business day!

holy hamstrings

it feels as though weeks have passed since i had started my ‘thirty days of fitness’ commitment. in fact, i can see how it really IS very hard for people to get into their own workout routines. if i worked, i am sure i’d run on my lunch breaks or i’d calculate in workouts once my caregiver arrived but being home for the past few days (with my husband), i have found everyday-workouts a challenge. im positive that part of this difficulty is just that i am tired from the previous day’s workout, and because I’m just getting back into shape. should i say ‘workout’ one more time? workout.


ready!? day 2

so, the RUN EAT RUN was definitly a challenge. my friend amy & her sister picked me up the morning of our run at 7:45 am so we could pickup our packets and run by 8:30am. we were ready to run and i knew it was going to be a brisk 20 degrees (if that) so i layered up as i had the day before. those layers kept me warm, in fact, my hands wettened my mittens and i could feel drips from my head catching in my neck warmer during our 4 mile run. the sweat was the LEAST of this races discomfort. i didnt really read too clearly the race details so when we arrived we learned that it was a trail run, entirely. i am very familiar with trail runs, but hadnt actually run this one at stoney creek. in eighty-five layers of clothing. in 20 degrees. in snow.


not to mention the extreme weather we were facing, we would also be trailing up and down rocky, vine soaked, tree fallen (!!!), dry leafy, snow slippery (mountain) trails. it was ALOT to handle mentally while we ran and it consumed our brains. amy & others have vocalized that they like running with me because i talk so much. for real (i even apologize after sometimes because i am left wondering if i was a bother because i do/did so much talking)… but NOT THIS TIME. the few sentences i said during this run were,

“im warm now” “tree!” “it’s slippery” “whoa” “watch out” “this is boring” “2 miles?” & “this is the slowest i have ever run”.

it wasnt that we were pushing it or anything, it literally felt like we were in layers and layers of clothing, were slugging through thick terrain,in snow. so it was par to the actuality of our obstacles, but we all just ran on through and while it was a 4-miler, it’s intensity was so much more.


this was the “resting” part of the run for sure !

i never checked our official time, but i know we ran in at about 11 and a half minute miles and we were all thrilled just to have gotten our buns out on thanksgiving morning. we all agreed afterward that it was nice getting to experience the first real snow this way. in fact, it started the moment the gun went off for the race to start so it was quite a quiet and hasty run, but we soaked in the nature, and our clothes soaked up our efforts. i personally love the detroit turkey trot but this was much more convenient and as i mentioned in my previous blog, i’d be back the next day for the second half of RUN EAT RUN.

so off we parted to celebrate thanksgiving with our families! i ate plenty and had a really nice time with our family. it was especially fun to see the seven cousins getting to spend time together. we spent the entire day with matt’s family, and planned a second thanksgiving for the next day with my family. it’s a new tradition that we hope to continue as we are left with SO many leftovers, it’s really thanksgiving for days!! my mom does most of the work for the second thanksgiving but this year matt smoked a turkey and it is my favorite bird eating i have ever had. i am amazed at how perfect every part is, cold or hot, white or dark, smoking a turkey is the best prepared meat ive ever had!


back to the second RUN.

showing up alone was alot less fun and there were significantly fewer people there who also decided to run the other half of this repeat 4 miler. nonetheless, i said 30 days, and although i was extremely sore from twisting my ankles the morning before, i did it. almost completely.


i ran the same run, alone, with few people, but i cut off the “jump fallen tree after tree, ditches of slippery leaves, death ankle” circle at the end so i was “disqualified”. happily. i headed to my car and went home to EAT… so my experience was RUN EAT RUN HEALTHFULLY DISQUALIFY and the EAT EAT ! i think i actually WON this day’s race!

the next day i wanted to do something other than run so once matt got home from his own workout, i left to get into a very full pilates class. a neighborhood friend spotted me at the gym so she decided to join in even though she had just finished doing her own strength workout. you go girl! so we got settled in and i assured her the class was “easy” but i was wrong. while it was truly easy to follow, it was hard to maintain some of the workouts and i KNEW i’d wake up sore from the intensity of using muscles that i generally ignore in every form. it was refreshing to workout in front of a mirror. i was able to actually see my delts and my body move instead of just “run until i feel good”. i liked this change because since having children i spend alot less time looking in anything but a rear view mirror, so one whole hour of watching myself work out actually opened my eyes to how nice i actually think my body looks. i even got to bend over for what felt like ten minutes and see my own hamstrings stretch and connect to my butt muscles through my pants. of course i couldnt see my cellulite through my clothing and i have to say, it reminded me of my friend’s hot legs as she danced mostly-naked on a table at her bachelorette weekend last summer. i have always wished my legs looked that great & now i have convinced myself that they do! so! day 4 was down ! and i actually was sore before i even went to bed. that being said, it became addiment that i workout the next day as my muscles would need to be warmed up or else theyd become more and more stiff & sore.

so DAY 5 ! this morning i decided to head back to the gym for either a yoga class or a zumba class. once i got there i decided the zumba class might be best because i’d be moving around my body in dancing fashion, so i guessed that that would loosen up my soreness. i was wrong. once the latino-gangster rap started i was THRILLED that i had done this. zumba is new to me, but i love to dance and i lose all inhibitions when i hear music and am feeling good. at first, the music and the style was SO fun i could not wipe the creepy smile off my face until i (again) saw myself in the mirror! i tired to look sexy like jennifer aniston in along came polly, but i really just looked like a mime in all black over exaggerating her hip that was not quite as sore at the other. it was hilarity and i was GLAD i was “alone”. then a sexy-ass mulatto guy with bright blue eyes and muscles seeping through his shirt started WATCHING THE CLASS THROUGH THE WINDOW. i was mortified and all i could thing about was how i really didnt feel like being watched and i was sure i had camel toe. great. he seriously just pressed his face against the glass like those dumb dolls at cracker barrel looking into a car headlight (wtf?) and i wished i had not chosen the closest spot to the window. whatever. i decided to just keep going and then he fanially joined the class. i seriously thought he was just watching to watch but he was gauging if he wanted to join or not & he did! he was great at it and i found that we quickly reversed rolls and who’s the staring creeper now huh!!!? ha!

thats me in the zumba pants of course

thats me in the zumba pants of course

anyhow, i got fatigued through this class and was so much more guacarita than a salsarita but i managed to mambo through until 60 minutes had passed. ole! i think the pilates the day before really caught up with me so I ACTUALLY DECIDED TO ELIMINATE A WORKOUT from 30 days of workout jaime 2013.Monday I let my sore body rest and pampered myself the entire time my kids napped. im a sick hairy wildebeest if things go unattended to and believe me, just showering my nasty-self was a job in itself,,, but it wassssssn’t a workout. workout. that night matt & i went out and worked our brains out trying to configure a decent x-mas list so regardless, i went to bed tuckered out!

Tuesday I ran a foury on my treadmill and stalked a few people on my ipad while listening to “todays hits” on pandora. it was very fulfilling. i am a HUGE person stalker and actually take pride in my ability to dig deep while no one even knows it. i got sucked right into the lives of others and quickly completed a nice little run that lit up my spirits to continue back on track.

Wednesday was a beautiful day outside here, well it wasnt freezing,,so yeah, beautiful. so i had hoped to get out and run but since my husband didnt get home until 5 and we had a sitter coming at 5:30 , my only option felt like running but i walked instead. i just didnt have the stalking energy that Tuesday brought, so i walked and let my brain fry as i soaked up the terrible “vanderpump rules” from my DVR. yep,, AND i DVR it!!! i would say to watch it, but it’s just so bad. great for walking,,, i guess…

at least he got his in!

at least he got his in!

And here we are THURSDAY !!! just day 8 since i skipped out on monday, and i have to quit typing here so i can go run the mill,,, i have plans later & will have zero time to get anything in so now is my chance! im probably stalking you!

stay healthy!!

be back tomorrow (i hope) !!!